All this turns my head inside out and breaks my heart and tightens my colon and keeps me wondering what I should be doing differently so that I can affect some sort of change in the situation, which is just plain silly, because I know deep in the center of my being that the only changes I can bring about are the changes within myself. It is more about my reactions and not so much my actions that are going to bring about the most profound changes. So, I am quietly working on me--well, maybe not so quietly. Pretty groundbreaking stuff, huh? Positively earth shattering *eyes rolling*. Trust me, I am talking big here because this is all waaaay easier said than done. Because life is complicated and people and relationships are even more complex and family dynamics are a goddamn Rubik's Cube. And from where I stand, Dr. Headshrinker is going to be fat, dumb and sassy before he gets through unscrewing my head tightening whats loose and putting it all back together again. But, in my heart of hearts I truly believe that we--me--us--the family--are well worth it. Totally worth it.